This, my friends (to quote John McCain), has been one of those weeks. You know the kind where you wish you had just stayed in bed and played hookie all week. Here's how this week went:
Monday a.m., I get to work and immediately am presented with the fact that five of the individuals I work with has been injured over the weekend as a result of some challenging behaviors and am asked, "What are you gonna do about it?" Of course, I said, "I will have it all fixed and behaviors to a minimal by lunch." Actually, I really did say that, but we all knew I was kidding, because when you consider the adaptive abilities and processing capabilities of these individuals, change is not a rapid or instant process. In fact, we tend to celebrate small victories. So, no one really expected an immediate response, but its still pressure. Then, Robert and I got the call about Baylor. No, he was not selected, but he was such a good candidate that "we would like to help him find a position," or so said the man at Baylor. Did not help lessen my disappointment or Robert's either. So then, of course, you know the story of Mr. Grump-o-lumpogus.
Tuesday, was not really much better although I can't pick any one thing that made it a difficult day. In fact, Mr. Grump-o-lumpogus had vanished by the time I got home and been replaced by some optimistic dude calling himself my husband.
Yesterday was just a long, long day. I got in early, which helped, but mainly because I made a bonehead mistake, thinking I had reports due by 5. So I worked til 5:30 getting everything completed and in presentation form. Well, come to find out, they are not actually due until next month (two weeks from now), so I just wasted time. I could have been working on the stuff actually due today. Then, after I got home, I just had to have a melt-down all over my poor husband who really didn't deserve it and had to answer to my 19-mo-old son asking "Momma, what's matter?" and "Why" when I so eloquently told him I just let go of my temper for no apparent reason. "I don't know, I was wrong and I'm sorry"-what else can you say? Last night was okay cause we watched Fireproof (great movie) twice, but it was cold as a well digger's bottom. As a matter of fact, when I left this morning at 8 or so, it was still only 32 degrees. That's cold. It was so cold last night that our neighbor's battery sitting at the front of their trailer exploded and spewed acid everywhere. I was afraid it was a gunshot (the park is out in the sticks) and tried to keep Robert from going outside to investigate. Once outside, he was afraid the spewing acid would cause their propane tanks to explode and since our trailer sits next to theirs...
All this at 12:30 am. Who says there's no drama in our marriage?
Today, as I mentioned earlier, began without an alarm clock. No, as one might think with living in an RV park, our power did not go out and we did not blow a fuse (sometimes happens). I just forgot to turn the darn alarm back on before going to bed. I did not wake up til 8, so of course I was rushing just to get to work by 8:30 or so. And since I mismanaged my time yesterday, I was stressed this morning about having things ready for a 10:30 meeting. Of course, those meetings always lead to another round of reports, emails and projects, so...
Tomorrow is Friday! Wahoo! What does that mean? Well, really not much. I don't know that it means a lot at all.
Life on the Hill is pretty much the same from day to day, but maybe, just maybe, tomorrow, the view will be better!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Living with Passion (Not just going through the motions)
Okay, ten years ago before I decided to follow Christ, (i.e. become a Christian, get saved, whatever...), I absolutely lived my life by going through the motions. You know, doing what you're "supposed" to do: get up, go to class, go to work, go out with friends (to clubs, etc), come home, go to bed, start over tomorrow. Often, my routine was dictated by what was popular or something I read in a magazine, saw on tv, blah-blah. I never really got excited about anything. I never really put myself out there. The jobs I had were one's that I kind of fell into or just took the first thing I found. Don't get me wrong, I had a few standards and a few rules to keep me safe and generally upstanding. But, I didn't have any real passion for anything or a drive to be or do anything than what was expected.
I am naturally one of those people that can see both sides of the story. So, for me to get excited about something has to be a big deal. I used that as a reason to keep from taking any real risk- To limit the plans I made for myself. I tried to avoid being/getting hurt, disappointed, etc. I wanted to avoid rocking the boat too much. But, the problem with that is by avoiding the "bad" stuff, I minimized the great things, too. I was basically numb to anything. I knew how to have fun and be fun, but I did not know how to enjoy life. Great love, great jobs, great opportunities do not come without the risk of a huge let down. We can go through life avoiding the things that will cause rifts, or we can face them, grow stronger, try again and live wonderfully, passionately and hopefully!!
I am naturally one of those people that can see both sides of the story. So, for me to get excited about something has to be a big deal. I used that as a reason to keep from taking any real risk- To limit the plans I made for myself. I tried to avoid being/getting hurt, disappointed, etc. I wanted to avoid rocking the boat too much. But, the problem with that is by avoiding the "bad" stuff, I minimized the great things, too. I was basically numb to anything. I knew how to have fun and be fun, but I did not know how to enjoy life. Great love, great jobs, great opportunities do not come without the risk of a huge let down. We can go through life avoiding the things that will cause rifts, or we can face them, grow stronger, try again and live wonderfully, passionately and hopefully!!
See, my life changed dramatically when I started hoping and wishing for bigger things. I started praying for big changes. I didn't even know if it would make a difference or if anybody was listening. I asked for little things at first: Getting a great office job in my field of study (at the time: accounting), getting free tickets to a concert to see my favorite singer (had never been to one before). Then, bigger things: Friends who didn't think going to a club was the best thing in the world. To know that I could have a good relationship without sex. Finally, I started asking for the ultimite life experience: TRUE LOVE.
First, I thought I found it in a man, but can you believe it? He let me down. In the midst of that letdown, though, I fell into the arms of Christ [God is Love]. I gave up trying to control everything around me and accepted the redemption He offered. He gave me the freedom to be free to be me; to not be what my past (or others) said I should be. To take a risk and change my major in the middle of my junior year (from accounting to counseling, lost 45 hours), to apply and get accepted to grad school, to lead and teach a youth group (be a leader and role model to others); to turn a man and a relationship down that I knew could be good (and found one that will hopefully last a lifetime).
To live a life of passion is to know that you can pass up for (or be passed up for) what you think could be okay, to chase after or be led to something way more than you could ever have known existed. It is the freedom to risk losing your pride and status for an opportunity you may not even get. It is the ability to hang onto hope when nothing seems to be going the way you thought it would (because what you thought may be less than what could be anyway). Contrary to popular opinion, some things are worth dying for; but even more things are worth living for!
Live what you believe. Be okay with rocking the boat and changing the status quo. Don't just live up to the expectations of others. Seriously, if I became the status quo person, I don't know that I would be alive today, and I certainly would not be happy or know true JOY!. Be more than you ever hoped you could! Be willing to dream and be Passionate!
P.S. If you wanna know about life lists, my friend (kimsmotormouth.blogspot.com) wrote about it yesterday, so read her blog and start there.
The Motions
Heard this on the radio this morning. Even though it may be an older song, I just heard it for the first time. I have some thoughts and comments, but I want to process first:).
The Motions
Matthew West
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break, At least I'll be feeling something'
Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,"What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?"
No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life
'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,"What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?"
The Motions
Matthew West
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break, At least I'll be feeling something'
Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,"What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?"
No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life
'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,"What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?"
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Moving to Tahiti
Okay, so how do you live with a man disappointed? I have heard of a woman scorned, but really, a man disappointed is no picnic either. Grump-o-lumpogus! That's another word for it. Okay, I don't guess I understand the impact certain things have on a man (vs. a woman), even though I have lived with one for at least 5 1/2 years. For the record, though, I do recognize this is a bigger deal than most disappointments.
Here's the story. Robert, my husband, is a born teacher/lecturer. Seriously, at some point during most of our conversations I have to remind him: "Okay, I am not a student, this is not a lecture and conversation is a two way street." Needless to say, he loves to instruct! So, when we found out Baylor was looking for a lighting designer/professor, I insisted that he apply. Okay, Baylor is a big school and he did not think it was worth the time since he doesn't actually have experience teaching at the college level. Still, he's good. So, I encouraged him and he surrendered. In goes the resume, transcripts, references, etc. Nothing more is thought about it until we get a phone call: "Congratulations! Your on the short list." "What? Wait, I'm actually being considered? Why?"
Well, the conversation did not exactly go like that, but it did start like that and Robert did ask me that afterwards. So all that culminated in a two-day interview two weeks ago at Baylor. And this was NOT an ordinary interview. No, he met with a Search Committee, taught a class, had dinner with the Department Chair, lunch with students, and went before the Provost and a few other "big wigs." It was tough, but he did well. Not that I'm bragging or biased, but you know when someone does well and they know it. He really did well! All that to find out yesterday, they chose "the other guy."
To be fair, the other guy was really the Interim person already in the position and we believe the whole search thing was a formality anyway, but darn it! We cared and We wanted this job!
Now, we are people of faith and believe the Lord has good things in store for us and gives us the desires of our hearts, but sometimes its hard to have faith when you think this is the job of our dreams and its being pulled out from under us at the last minute! Darn it!
So, I understand the disappointment. I do. I'm even disappointed myself (which is what makes the whole thing harder). But, I'm a little different. I tend to handle these things by looking for other opportunities and thinking what a terrible experience, but surely there is better...Right? My husband tends to dwell and rehash. He wants to figure out what he did that wasn't good enough. That is hard to live with. Mostly, because I know he did really well and did the best he could. He made it a hard decision for them and that is saying something. When it comes down to it, the difference between Robert and the "Other guy" was basically "theKnown" vs. "the Unknown." What can you do about that?
So, today when I was trying to sneak out the door without waking up the baby (oh, and I couldn't find my toothbrush, the dog didn't want to walk out-just be carried, and...) the baby still woke up. Mr. Grump-o-lumpogus decides he wants to stay in bed rather than walk me out. [Explanation needed: Alex is 1 1/2 y.o. and still suffering a little of the separation anxiety that comes with having mommy out of his life and gone over 8 hours a day for the first time ever. If he can get up and wave goodbye, he'll be fine; if not...].
So, I love my husband and think he is one of the greatest men on the planet (that's why I married him), but today I would rather be in Tahiti on a beach relaxing with my little umbrella drink:) and palm trees swaying overhead!
Here's the story. Robert, my husband, is a born teacher/lecturer. Seriously, at some point during most of our conversations I have to remind him: "Okay, I am not a student, this is not a lecture and conversation is a two way street." Needless to say, he loves to instruct! So, when we found out Baylor was looking for a lighting designer/professor, I insisted that he apply. Okay, Baylor is a big school and he did not think it was worth the time since he doesn't actually have experience teaching at the college level. Still, he's good. So, I encouraged him and he surrendered. In goes the resume, transcripts, references, etc. Nothing more is thought about it until we get a phone call: "Congratulations! Your on the short list." "What? Wait, I'm actually being considered? Why?"
Well, the conversation did not exactly go like that, but it did start like that and Robert did ask me that afterwards. So all that culminated in a two-day interview two weeks ago at Baylor. And this was NOT an ordinary interview. No, he met with a Search Committee, taught a class, had dinner with the Department Chair, lunch with students, and went before the Provost and a few other "big wigs." It was tough, but he did well. Not that I'm bragging or biased, but you know when someone does well and they know it. He really did well! All that to find out yesterday, they chose "the other guy."
To be fair, the other guy was really the Interim person already in the position and we believe the whole search thing was a formality anyway, but darn it! We cared and We wanted this job!
Now, we are people of faith and believe the Lord has good things in store for us and gives us the desires of our hearts, but sometimes its hard to have faith when you think this is the job of our dreams and its being pulled out from under us at the last minute! Darn it!
So, I understand the disappointment. I do. I'm even disappointed myself (which is what makes the whole thing harder). But, I'm a little different. I tend to handle these things by looking for other opportunities and thinking what a terrible experience, but surely there is better...Right? My husband tends to dwell and rehash. He wants to figure out what he did that wasn't good enough. That is hard to live with. Mostly, because I know he did really well and did the best he could. He made it a hard decision for them and that is saying something. When it comes down to it, the difference between Robert and the "Other guy" was basically "theKnown" vs. "the Unknown." What can you do about that?
So, today when I was trying to sneak out the door without waking up the baby (oh, and I couldn't find my toothbrush, the dog didn't want to walk out-just be carried, and...) the baby still woke up. Mr. Grump-o-lumpogus decides he wants to stay in bed rather than walk me out. [Explanation needed: Alex is 1 1/2 y.o. and still suffering a little of the separation anxiety that comes with having mommy out of his life and gone over 8 hours a day for the first time ever. If he can get up and wave goodbye, he'll be fine; if not...].
So, I love my husband and think he is one of the greatest men on the planet (that's why I married him), but today I would rather be in Tahiti on a beach relaxing with my little umbrella drink:) and palm trees swaying overhead!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Camper Snobs:)!
This is a new day Ladies and Gentlemen! At least for me with this blog business. First time bloggers must all start out the same, huh?
Actually, this is not the only thing that is new for us. Within the last year, we have moved three-No, 4 times, and have settled (at least temporarily) in this small town in Texas living in a travel trailer, of all things. I know everyone in my family thinks we are crazy, but we love it. We even tease about getting "Trailer Trash" painted on the back of our camper. There's nothing like the closeness that comes from living in an 8x30 box with the man you say you love and a toddler to boot!
Needless to say, this is an experience. For one, I now know what a TrailerPark Snob is. For those of you who never even thought about it, let me fill you in: Last night we were standing outside with some of our "neighbors" when a VW van came through looking for a spot for an overnight stay full of family and food. Well, our camper is up "on the hill" at the back of the park and "the hill" is filled with permanent campers who generally work in the area but live else where (construction, college profs, etc.). Oh, and one tent camper (long story, fill you in later). Anyway, as I was saying, this van pulls through looking for a nice spot to stay for a night (maybe even the weekend).
It was worse than E! at the Oscars! Oh you know, what type of van, how many people were getting in an' out (who knew a VW van could hold so much). But, really, we're nice Southern folks. After all, we really didn't critize anybody. We just counted our blessings. You know, "Oh, thank heavens we live up here on the hill, not down in front where the overnighters come through..." "Well, I'm thankful we only have three of us; I couldn't imagine with that many..." "Who knew a VW van could hold so much..."
See what I mean...Trailer Park Snobs!
Anyway, I want to use this blog to share some of our insights and experiences as we live this life. Few others would have sold everything they have (with a toddler and 25lb. Cocker Spaniel in tow) to live in a 30 ft. camper. But, this is the life we are choosing. The one we fill blessed to have.
Robert and I have been married for five and a half years and have two kids. Ariel lives in Florida with her mom (I'm not the real thing), and Alex was born 19 months ago today:). He graduated from grad school in May and we went on the move. Seriously. I left a great job in Kansas City, MO (where he was in school) and we came home to Texas. We stayed with family for about 6 weeks (as long as they could take us), then moved to Lufkin where Robert worked with the Boy Scouts of America. I know, who knew they paid people...I didn't. Anyway, when I got a job with the state school in Brenham four months later, we took it cause the pay was better and it was in my field of study(psychology). I love what I do, but since Robert left his position, we may be on the move again sometime in the near future when he gets another.
When we moved from Lufkin, we had to back out of a six month lease and lost a $300 pet deposit. Needless to say, we paid out the nose. So, instead of paying another huge pet deposit and getting into a lease we didn't know if we would stay for; we bought a travel trailer, sold everything we had (all our furniture at least) and hit the road:). This sounded smarter. I'm not always so sure, but most of the time I think its the best thing we could have ever done.
I will try to keep this up because I love to write. But really, I am terrible at keeping up with things like this. So, no promises.
Actually, this is not the only thing that is new for us. Within the last year, we have moved three-No, 4 times, and have settled (at least temporarily) in this small town in Texas living in a travel trailer, of all things. I know everyone in my family thinks we are crazy, but we love it. We even tease about getting "Trailer Trash" painted on the back of our camper. There's nothing like the closeness that comes from living in an 8x30 box with the man you say you love and a toddler to boot!
Needless to say, this is an experience. For one, I now know what a TrailerPark Snob is. For those of you who never even thought about it, let me fill you in: Last night we were standing outside with some of our "neighbors" when a VW van came through looking for a spot for an overnight stay full of family and food. Well, our camper is up "on the hill" at the back of the park and "the hill" is filled with permanent campers who generally work in the area but live else where (construction, college profs, etc.). Oh, and one tent camper (long story, fill you in later). Anyway, as I was saying, this van pulls through looking for a nice spot to stay for a night (maybe even the weekend).
It was worse than E! at the Oscars! Oh you know, what type of van, how many people were getting in an' out (who knew a VW van could hold so much). But, really, we're nice Southern folks. After all, we really didn't critize anybody. We just counted our blessings. You know, "Oh, thank heavens we live up here on the hill, not down in front where the overnighters come through..." "Well, I'm thankful we only have three of us; I couldn't imagine with that many..." "Who knew a VW van could hold so much..."
See what I mean...Trailer Park Snobs!
Anyway, I want to use this blog to share some of our insights and experiences as we live this life. Few others would have sold everything they have (with a toddler and 25lb. Cocker Spaniel in tow) to live in a 30 ft. camper. But, this is the life we are choosing. The one we fill blessed to have.
Robert and I have been married for five and a half years and have two kids. Ariel lives in Florida with her mom (I'm not the real thing), and Alex was born 19 months ago today:). He graduated from grad school in May and we went on the move. Seriously. I left a great job in Kansas City, MO (where he was in school) and we came home to Texas. We stayed with family for about 6 weeks (as long as they could take us), then moved to Lufkin where Robert worked with the Boy Scouts of America. I know, who knew they paid people...I didn't. Anyway, when I got a job with the state school in Brenham four months later, we took it cause the pay was better and it was in my field of study(psychology). I love what I do, but since Robert left his position, we may be on the move again sometime in the near future when he gets another.
When we moved from Lufkin, we had to back out of a six month lease and lost a $300 pet deposit. Needless to say, we paid out the nose. So, instead of paying another huge pet deposit and getting into a lease we didn't know if we would stay for; we bought a travel trailer, sold everything we had (all our furniture at least) and hit the road:). This sounded smarter. I'm not always so sure, but most of the time I think its the best thing we could have ever done.
I will try to keep this up because I love to write. But really, I am terrible at keeping up with things like this. So, no promises.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)