12 steps...

Okay, I have saved up for this, so it better be good!

I need to know, because apparently I am falling behind the curve. I read all the time about these mommies stay at home with their five kids, helps or leads some program at church, are involved in some kind of committee or Board, volunteers, are GREAT housekeepers, writes books, leads national conferences...

How in the world do these ladies have the time and energy?! I am sure, too, that if you ask them, they have a great marriage to a wonderful husband who works full time to support his family (and then some), coaches little league, teaches Sunday school and is a wonderful father, too. Am I missing something? Is my husband not what he's supposed to be? Am I suffering some kind of strange disease that zaps my energy? Is this just a phase and one day I too will be one of "those moms?"

I am reading this book called, "12 steps to becoming a more organized woman." Being the good Christian I am, I chose a book based on biblical principles. This particular one is based on the Proverbs 31. Now, I had really wise pastor/teacher/mentor who told me the mythical Proverbs Woman doesn't exist, but this lady would argue with that. In fact, she might even tell you that she is the personification of it.

The book itself is okay and provides some great tips on how to organize your budget, schedule, household, etc. BUT, I have a problem with this lady and her too perfect family dressed all in white with their perfect little world for more than one reason. First of all, I am so far from being this proverbial example of mother and wife-dom that I can't see straight. Second, who is she kidding? Am I really gonna believe that her children are little angels all the time? That she never has a moment when she is ready to throw them or her husband out a window (not really, but you know what I mean)? Come on! I am struggling with little things, like getting the laundry washed, dried, folded and put away at the same time; much less setting aside one whole day, just for me (as she suggest any woman who is organized should be able to do on a regular basis).

Second of all, this lady suggests (as I have heard many times) that a mom can't really be a good mom unless she is staying at home full time with her children. Now, I have done this for a short period of time and did enjoy it to some degree. But, it isn't the best solution for our family. To be honest, my husband does a better job and is more satisfied with staying home with our children (when that has to happen). Not to mention, our son loves being around other kids (in school/daycare). He loves having people to talk to and share with (he's 18 mo. so that's a big deal). I am a better mom when I am working. When I am home from work, I am more focused on my child and his needs and have a greater desire to spend quality time with him. We have a better relationship and so do I and my husband. For us, it is just better.

Thirdly, I have a major, MAJOR, issue with anyone trying to say their way is the right way for everyone. Jesus advocated flexibility (that's why He didn't like the Pharisees and Priests). He recognizes that, even if Ms. Proverbial Woman doesn't: God has created many different people with many different personalities. For instance, my husband is not a structure person, but I am a planner by heart. If we had a planned program every week, all the time (like she recommends), he would go out of his mind and I would constantly be stressing over it. So, we are learning (after five years, we still don't have it down pat) to compromise and have a little of both. That's why I got the book to begin with. This author sends so many messages saying, that lacking strong organization and structure in a home is a sign of unhealthiness and irresponsibility. I disagree.

Finally, my husband and I have chosen, as we have felt led, to become a family in transition. In the past year, we have moved four times (once across country). We sold most of our possessions to live in a travel trailer. We have one child in our "home" under the age of two (our daughter does not live with us, except for short visits). We have debts we accumulated while in college (another thing this Christian woman says is wrong). We have a vehicle we are making payments on (another no,no) . Either I or my husband have both been out of work for one reason or another for the past 9 months. I'm not blaming anybody or complaining about any of this (and will even take responsibility for and rejoice in some of it), but these are all circumstances that just do NOT fit in Ms. Organizational Master's plan. There is no way I could even begin to implement her ideal plan, just for a lack of space. Who cares about budget, time, etc?

Regardless, I'm not saying we are right or have a model relationship/household. As a matter of fact, we have done a lot of things wrong and probably will do many more. I had one day dreamed of being one of "those mommies," the national speaker who shares her testimony and teaches others how to do anything and everything and writes a book and bible study program; but anymore, I just want to be the best mommy I can be. I love (really do enjoy) my job and want to be the best Assoc. Psychologist I can. I may write a book one day or teach/lead on a national level. But, really, right now, I'm just Mommy, Honey, AK-47, or whoever I need to be to best serve the people I love and care about. That's good enough for me for right now.

The worst thing about this book is because Ms. Author Lady does all this from behind the Bible, it's hard to tell the difference. Thank goodness, I know how to and do read that book, too:)! I absolutely, ABSOLUTELY, can not stand for anyone to pass judgement or speak for the Lord in condemnation on any other. For one: doesn't Paul tell us that "we have NO condemnation in Christ?" Forgive me, but if He won't condemn me, why should anyone else. He took my sin and has the right to do it, but won't. This lady hasn't done that for me, or anyone, as far as I know. [If so, she should right a book about it (he,he). ] For two: what a great way to turn people away from God, but to say, "My way is the right way and if your not here, your wrong." Half the arguments in the New Testament were over this issue. Jews vs. Gentile, Circumcised vs. Uncircumcised, Paul vs. Apollo, etc. etc. Again, Paul settled it by saying, "none are righteous," and "it is Christ that waters..." "All things are by Him, through Him and for Him" (paraphrase maybe?). I believe the argument is as settled as it's going to be, so please don't pass judgement and don't tell me my way is wrong for everyone. It may not be your way and would throw you and your kids into a tailspin, but that's okay.

If I never, ever become the greatest woman, author, speaker, etc. in the world, then I hope to at least become the greatest mom in the world to my kids and the greatest wife to my husband. And no, for you haters, it does not mean I have settled for less than my best. I have just chosen to give my best to the people most important to me. And, that, for me, is the best way to serve the Lord. He seems to like it that way, too.