"We are what we believe we are." — C. S. Lewis

I am a big fan of C.S. Lewis, especially after getting a hold of "The Screwtape Letters." The man was a literary genius. Not to mention the fact that he had to have a fantastic grasp on the concept of Spiritual Warfare. Afterall, the basis of the text is that of a demon who is trying to thwart one man's search, grasp and life as a Believer in Christ. Even in the guise of relationships, there is a hint of understanding and wisdom that is remarkable. So, when I saw this quote on our home page at work, I immediately took note.

Unfortunately, I think I might have to disagree with Mr. Lewis. First of all, after working in the mental health field for almost 5 years now, I must say, I have seen more than a few folks who believed themselves to be a lot of things they weren't. The false belief of grandiosity or depravity led to all sorts of negative things, including unemployment and poverty. Even so, the quote led me back to the thought of Spiritual warfare.

About a week ago, I started a blog that never got finished. In that blog, I was gonna go into the concept that we each have armor to protect ourselves from the "Evil one" (as Paul puts it). Just days before, I had realized that even though the Lord has specifically designed our armor, Satan has a specific set of weapons, each one designed to target our weakest spots. So, even though we may be wearing our armor, it is possible that Satan could still catch us off guard or hit a weak point and bring us to our knees. Thank goodness for us, the Lord often calls us to our knees for prayers and it is generally in looking up from those "down" places that we first see our Savior.

So, what's my point? Well, last week, I got sick again with morning sickness after having felt really good for like a week. Then, the baby got sick and I had to miss a couple of days of work (and a lot of sleep). That put me behind at work, and really brought my mood down. In that place, I felt the strike. It was not quick, but it was hard: the feelings of depression, worthliness and anxiety. My intention in writing the original blog was to share my frustration with myself and the whole process. However, while writing, I got the call that my son needed to be picked up from daycare and...things seemed to be getting worse.

But then, the Lord started speaking, even as I was writing my "complaints." And He continued to speak to my heart throughout the week. On Friday, when I was 1/2 late for a very important meeting, the Lord put grace in the hearts of my colleagues and when I started coughing fits, he put patience and good stuff in me to remain positive. Instead of bowing down to the attack and giving in, the Lord has held me up. And I don't even deserve it because I really haven't been doing anything to help in the fight.

When it comes down to it, C.S. Lewis is somewhat right. I am what I believe I am, a child of God, Forgiven, Carried by Grace and Mercy, held up by the hand of the Lord. But, my belief did not cause me to become those things. They were always being offered. When I believe it, though, I am much more likely to live like it.