Rambling Perspectives

When God doesn’t do what we want, it’s not easy. Never has been. Never will be. But faith is the conviction that God knows more than we do about this life and he will get us through it. -Max Lucado


This weekend, my husband and I found out we were going to be having a baby girl; and although most of my family and friends are super excited, I am not so much. Don't get me wrong! I like the idea of having a girl. But, I am no more opposed to having a boy, and if it had been, I don't think I would be anymore excited-which frankly is disappointing.

I am really trying to figure some stuff out, part of which is this new baby. Since finding out I was pregnant, I have not been super excited. Part of that is likely because of our living conditions. However, if you ask me on a regular basis, I don't really mind it so much. But, when looking at our goals and looking at our finances, I am beginning to think that we will never reach a point where we are ready to move on. I keep thinking that this life was supposed to be temporary, not forever. We were thinking a few (maybe 6) months tops. But, it seems like one thing or another keeps popping up to keep us from moving on.

So, now, I wander, What? What is it we are supposed to do about this baby that we didn't expect and expenses that keep popping up? What about the fear of an outrageous electric bill that we can't pay? What about not being able to support and take care of the kids? My heavens. We have a plan, but if we stick to that it will be 2 years before we step out of this "house" and into a "home."

On the other hand, I was thinking to myself yesterday: Living on the Hill, where we do, we have a great home and it feels like "home." My marriage has truly grown in some amazing ways. Sometimes, I wander how we would manage to stay "together" with more room between us. This weekend at my grandmother's, my son kind of wandered everytime I walked out of a room, and I caught myself wandering where he had ran more than once. The benefit of living in a small space is that for the most part, we always know where each other are. It doesn't matter if I'm in the bedroom, kitchen, living room or bath...Everybody can always see or hear me. Sounds scary, but has actually grown to be very comforting. For our son, we can let him run all over the house and never worry about him being out of eyesight...that is security.

And, really, our finances are better than they ever have been, we just have to get to the point where we are ready to start tackling the ugly stuff. We have been putting that off for the last month or two. But, after almost a year or scrimping and falling behind, being ahead is really comforting. Unfortunately, that comforting feeling is hard to let go of. By that I mean, when we start committing extra money to debt, that means little will be left over for "x-tras." And even what is "left-over" will be budgeted for and accounted for by the time the month is half over.

So, now what? Do we throw away our plan to pay of debt and get a good solid financial ground beneath us, or do we just take a risk and jump into a house that we maybe can afford just so our daughter can come home from the hospital to a nursery, not just a basinet in our living/bedroom? I guess we will just wait and see what the Lord has planned for us, huh? That means we'll have to ask him and WAIT for the answer...I guess that's what now is about, then.